When your work doesn't feel real
Digital work is real work – why do I still struggle with that?
Hello! There’s a lot more of you here now, following a popular post I wrote on LinkedIn. But also, those who’ve been here a while will know, I missed a newsletter last month. That’s because shit well and truly hit the fan.
My partner fractured his jaw and spent a few days in hospital. For the first time since moving in together, I had the house to myself for 48 hours. I noticed his absence in everything. I felt like I was walking around a show home; drifting through the rooms and not quite recognising the furniture. I left the TV on downstairs while I went up to clean my teeth. It was too quiet.
Things are better now. And I berated myself for not sticking with my writing routine. But routines are a guide and not a religion. We all need to be kinder to ourselves when life happens. This month’s edition is a little different from previous ones. I read it to myself like a beat poem, and it felt right. Hope you enjoy x
Sometimes I do my job and it doesn’t feel real.
Not in the sense of – ‘I can’t believe I’m this lucky! I get paid to write!’ – unreal.
In the sense that it doesn’t feel legit. Like I’m cosplaying work.
I sit in quiet cafes and tip-tap my keyboard.
Staff rush around making patterns in coffee, yapping with customers, and ferrying plates of food across the room and that feels real.
I think about what they might say when they go home.
‘I served this customer with the most amazing hat. She said she got it from a trip to Morocco. It looked like a fine art piece!’
I think about how many people they must meet, every day.
I think about the realness, the physicality of that work. I remember how my muscles used to ache after a day of waitressing. I remember how the smell of cooked food and anti-bac clung to my clothes. I remember the holes in the back of my Skechers after wearing those shoes out.
I don’t wear my shoes out anymore. Or my clothes. I just wear them.
When I talk about work to my partner it’s a different way of saying the same thing.
I researched a thing, I typed a thing, I stressed about a thing, and I sent the damn thing to my client.
Maybe I’m conflating real work with physical work. Maybe I’m more attracted to physical work than I care to acknowledge. Maybe I’m biased against the ephemeral nature of digital work.
Digital work isn’t tangible; you can’t hold it in your hands. You could print off a webpage but that feels crass.
The closest I get to connection with digital work is when I see clients in person. When people tell me how much they enjoyed my writing for a project or campaign. When they thank me for standing in as lead writer when things get hectic.
But most days – when I’m cosy in my home office or taking up space in a coffee shop – my work doesn’t feel real. I try not to think about it too much. Because I love to write and I don’t want to lose that.
Rest feels different to me now. I don’t always feel deserving of it. And the rest needed for digital work is so different to physical work. A waitressing shift tuckered me out. I felt it in my sore feet and tight hamstrings. A stint of writing drives me out of the house, into fresh air, into an exercise class that assimilates the burn that physical work used to give me.
Digital work requires rest that puts stuff back in – energy, words, ideas.
Physical work requires rest that restores – sleep, quiet, stillness.
There’s no conclusion here; no outcome; no words of advice.
I just wanted to say that sometimes my work doesn’t feel real. And I don’t know what to do with that feeling.
~ Ebony-Storm x
This month’s resources are things I’ve used myself. I only share stuff here that I stand by (and you can reply to this email or drop me a comment on the post anytime you have Qs about the content).
The resource section
🌐 My work has taken a recent turn towards SEO, and I’ve been loving Ahref’s beginner SEO content series. I feel like you need a bit of content writing experience to get the gist of it. And it helps if you use Ahrefs (though the guidance is still relevant for free tools).
🧠 Accountability meetings. No link for this, just a note to say one of my brilliant freelance friends suggested setting one up – and I think it’s gonna be key to getting a passion project of mine over the line. Maybe it’s something you should try with a pal, too.
❤️🩹 Some thoughts on how to assess whether work is actually working for you. I try to do ‘Ebo review time’ every quarter. As freelancers, we’re rewarded for being client-focused. That doesn’t mean you should neglect your own needs!