Self care for freelancers
Warning: this is going to hurt
‘Sunday reset’
My finger hovers over another video.
A filtered influencer rattles her iced coffee with a perfectly manicured hand. Out comes the matching gymwear set in an unremarkable shade of beige. A candle with a flouncy fragrance name flickers as she pens five things she’s grateful for. I love and loathe her instantaneously.
This is self-care, according to Instagram. Online creators are running rampant with the concept, using it to justify tiny luxury purchases and minimalist decor. A bulbous bath bomb here, an organic matcha powder there. It’s an industry.
Our reasons for seeking self-care are always more complex than can be fixed by overpriced beauty products. Yet, this easy route is so enticing because it requires so little work. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t impulse-purchased candles and journals for exactly this reason.
Self-care is supposed to be about getting better – taking care to preserve or improve ourselves. Any freelancer reading this will know that getting better is often a painful process, not a soothing one. I was reminded of this recently when a masseuse went to town on my stiff muscles.
As she carved my back like a joint of meat, I had to bite my tongue. I knew it was working – the knots in my back were lessening by the minute. Relief washed over me when she moved away from the painful spots. It was brutal at the time, but when I hopped off the table, I felt like a decade of tension had dissolved.
Online creators are running rampant with the concept, using it to justify tiny luxury purchases and minimalist decor. A bulbous bath bomb here, an organic matcha powder there. It’s an industry.
Self-care doesn’t always feel good. The self-care I’ve adopted in my freelance business has taught me that. I’ve set boundaries that mean I say no to people and projects (ew!) I’ve reduced the amount of client work I do so I can work on my business.
These things weren’t comfortable or pleasurable at first. They felt icky. I hate turning down client work, and I worry about saying no to more money. But over time, this allowed me to create more balance and more joy in my working day. I’m not overstretched. I don’t burn out like I used to.
Since doing this work, I’ve been able to reclaim the skill I built my business on – writing – for myself. It’s brought me peace. I feel more aligned with my true self. I take my laptop to quiet cafes and I write short stories – just for me!
I know now that I’m a writer whether or not someone pays, and that brings me comfort. I’ve noticed this is the only time in my week when my mind goes quiet. Usually, everything feels too loud, too busy. Like I’ve left multiple tabs open and they’re all playing music.
Doing hard self-care has made me better in almost every way. I’m happier, I’m healthier, and I’m more secure in my identity as a freelancer and a person who loves to create.
There’s one more example of hard self-care I want to give you because I’ve been reflecting on my old life as a martial artist. My gym has launched karate classes for kids, and every Saturday I see trails of white belts trickle out of the changing rooms. It makes my day. That was me, once.
Between the ages of 8 and 21, I spent hours every week at my karate club. When the instructors felt particularly mean, we used to do a drill called bone knocking.
It’s a sequence where two people stand opposite each other: one aims three punches at three different heights, and the other blocks each of these blows. You work your way down; a face punch, a chest punch, and a stomach punch. Then you start over. For those watching, it would look like a waterfall of jabs.
You do it until you can’t anymore. Or until the instructor stops you – whichever comes last. We’d leave the class with bruises running the length of our forearms. Bone knocking hurts, a lot. But it makes you stronger. Over time, you grow numb to the pain, and you place your blocks more accurately. You know the pain of two bones knocking is less than if the punch got through.
Actual self-care – the stuff that creates change and makes you feel better for the long term – hurts at first. You’re working out the stiffness in your metaphorical muscles. You’re knocking freelance bones. But you’re stopping the real blows from getting through. You’re getting stronger. If it hurts a little, it means you’re on the right track.
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I’ve got good resources for you folks this month. Drop me a reply or a comment on this piece if you explore what’s below. I’d love to hear you’re thoughts.
~ Ebony-Storm x
The resource section
✍️ If you’re a fellow fiction fanatic and are keen to scribble your own stories, I cannot recommend the NCW intro to fiction course ENOUGH. This gave me the tools to start writing my own stories and set me on a path of regular creating. I also met some lovely folks, who I share a writing group chat with!
☁️ The Human Cloud – an independent advisory working with freelance leader legends – kindly mentioned me in their November freelance insights (I’ve only just noticed, talk about late to the party!) Their research on the freelance economy is a revelation, and I’d recommend signing up for their free newsletter to get these insights in your ‘box!
👩💻 ‘I realised having lots of clients was more secure than having one employer, and I never looked back,’ this Worklife piece highlights the folks turning freelance following layoffs. So much of this article resonates with me – especially since I went freelance after being made redundant.