Building your business on friendship

I'm here to make friends

Last week I wrote a post on LinkedIn about friendship. Specifically, one of the reasons I’m freelance is to make friends. The sentiment resonated with people, so I thought I’d explore it with you here. 

I understand why people push back on blending business and friendship. Emotions make things beautiful but difficult, and keeping them out of your career can often mean a clearer head. But I just can’t seem to do that. 

One thing about me as a freelancer is that I cannot play the game. My cards are on the table and I’ll read them to you if you ask politely. I’d be shit at poker. And I laugh when I’m lying. The separation between work Ebony and Ebony Ebony has never really existed, and I’ve accepted that my career approach is a bit less hustle-bro and a bit more cuddle-bro. 

I seek depth and strength in all of my relationships – high school best friend or new client. Like some freak of nature, I enjoy in-person networking events too –but that’s because I’m there to find pals (more than finding my next contract). I think this has unintentionally become a commercial advantage. 

There’s this study I think about sometimes that makes me think I’m right. You probably know the one – it’s the longest study on human life ever. Every few years there’s an update, and we hear more about what makes people happy and what doesn’t. I’d recommend clicking the linked text above for some revealing personal stories from participants.

Here’s why it links to my pursuit of friendship: good relationships have a profound impact on our health and happiness. No shit! It didn’t surprise me the first time I read it either, but it did validate my belief about business built on human connection: making friends is good for business.

I was the first person in my family to start a business, so everything was learned from scratch. Despite various marketing (digital and in-person) – most of my work comes through existing relationships and referrals. I've created security and a sense of safety through building a community. Many of my previous and existing clients have become work friends. And don’t get me started on the crew of incredible fellow freelancers I call pals. 

Friends aren’t the only reason or the primary one for starting my business.  I freelance because it gives me variation. I can work with multiple people on multiple projects at any given time, so I rarely get bored. It gives me control over my income and working hours, which means I can spend more time in the sun and put in the hours when there’s nothing fun going on. And, because most of my work is writing, being freelance means I can have lots of cool conversations with lots of cool people. 

I see now that prioritising friendship didn’t just let me live out my values through my work – it helped me grow. I’d go as far as to say my freelance friendships are the reason my business is six years old this month. 

Without my friend Jordan, I wouldn’t be resolute in my boundaries. I wouldn’t have broached the contract conversation with clients (because Jordan gave me the confidence to do that). I also wouldn’t spend 2-3 hours in a coffee shop on a random Tuesday laughing my ass off or getting excited about a new idea. When Jordan and I get coffee, we leave with a whole new business idea, three referrals, and at least one podcast to listen to. 

Without my friend and social media manager Becca, I wouldn’t be telling my story online. I wouldn’t have plucked up the courage to say yes to a speaking opportunity. I probably wouldn’t have known what I can offer as a mentor and how I can grow as a leader. I also wouldn’t have anyone telling me ‘no!’ when I try to add too much to my plate. 

Without my friend Maddy, I wouldn’t be building a whole new side to my business– an idea I first had a year ago. Our accountability meetings provide a space to be honest, open, and supportive. We both give something and gain something. Lovely side note – Maddy and I are similar ages and started our businesses at a similar time. So there’s a lot of shared feeling, and it’s so comforting.

There are so many friends I’ve created through my business. Really, I have a whole village behind me. Any freelancer that tells you they did it all by themselves is lying. You need a community to do the solo thing well. 

In true marketing fashion, I’m giving you a clear CTA: Make more friends in your freelance business. Deepen your existing relationships too. That’s where the real wealth is. 

~ Ebony-Storm

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The resource section

📚 Listening to this TedTalk is a lovely way to spend your coffee break. It’s from the founder of DuoLingo, and he has wonderful ideas about democratising education, making learning fun, and using social media techniques for good.

🧪 I love a psychometric test – and yes, I know they vary in usefulness and reliability. But this core values quiz actually helped me nail down my intrinsic values. Sometimes it’s just nice to have better language to talk about yourself.

🧠 A bit of recreation now. If you love being weird with words, Lucy & Sam’s Perfect Brains is a brilliantly playful podcast. Not sure if it’s making me smarter or giving me brainrot but honestly, I don’t give a damn.